Sorry I don't update this thing...but I hardly ever updated Xanga, so nothings changed I guess.

Things are rough. Wes and I are in counseling, yet again. Well, we have since our third month of marriage...but new issues came up again. I don't know how it is going to work out this time. I really don't. I'm sure it will...because neither one of us are looking to divorce...but just because we are staying together doesn't mean that we will be happy.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to my life. I use to be happy. I use to have lots of friends and be really outgoing. Now I go to work and then come home and sit there. I don't go anywhere or do anything. I am usually quite bitter about life and the hand that I have been dealt...or really that I dealt myself.

God has been faithful through it all. But sometimes.....I just want things to be better. I want to fill like our lives are meaningful. They're not. We fight and are mean....sometimes we enjoy eachother's company...but not a lot. I see all these people I went to college with enjoying their lives and living their lives and loving every minute of it. I hate my life....well hate is a strong word...I dont' want to die or anything, but I am not happy at all with where I am....but I don't know how to change it.

ps 198 days before my baby comes....hopefully things will be better than. I sure don't want to bring a child into this family with its so many issues. Kid won't stand a chance.