Sorry I don't update this thing...but I hardly ever updated Xanga, so nothings changed I guess.
Things are rough. Wes and I are in counseling, yet again. Well, we have since our third month of marriage...but new issues came up again. I don't know how it is going to work out this time. I really don't. I'm sure it will...because neither one of us are looking to divorce...but just because we are staying together doesn't mean that we will be happy.
Sometimes I wonder what happened to my life. I use to be happy. I use to have lots of friends and be really outgoing. Now I go to work and then come home and sit there. I don't go anywhere or do anything. I am usually quite bitter about life and the hand that I have been dealt...or really that I dealt myself.
God has been faithful through it all. But sometimes.....I just want things to be better. I want to fill like our lives are meaningful. They're not. We fight and are mean....sometimes we enjoy eachother's company...but not a lot. I see all these people I went to college with enjoying their lives and living their lives and loving every minute of it. I hate my life....well hate is a strong word...I dont' want to die or anything, but I am not happy at all with where I am....but I don't know how to change it.
ps 198 days before my baby comes....hopefully things will be better than. I sure don't want to bring a child into this family with its so many issues. Kid won't stand a chance.
"so make the marriage work. pay the price, work, talk, cry, try harder; pray, set goals, and budgets. see a counselor, do whatever you have to do. happy marriages don't come with the 'i do.' they come with years of problem solving, compromising, and clinging tightest when the big bumps make you feel sick to your stomach. but, and this is the thing we too often forget, it's worth it!"
ReplyDelete-Tim Secord, Rants and Ramblings
i read this quote everytime adam and i struggle. honestly the thing that helps adam and i is that we are on seperate schedules. we do better when we don't see each other all the time. you find what works for you and you do it. regardless of what anyone else thinks. my friend joy thinks adam and i are so weird.
and you're right...your dealing with the hand you've dealt yourself. i sat where you sit just a year and a half ago. i changed it. i found a church that i love, and i made a friend. one friend who i love very much, and through that one friend i'm making more. if wes doesn't want to go then leave him home and go out yourself, he'll come around (it's taken adam a full year but he's finally coming out of his shell). the time apart might even help.
i'm sending you a budgeting book on Monday, it's the same one my parents use, and i took the parts i liked out of it. let me know what i can do to help! even if i need to buy you a plane ticket for a vacation of vegging out on my couch! :D
Dear Friend! I love you (all 3 of you) so much! I think every marriage I know of is struggling right now. I know exactly what you mean about going from home to work and back with no fun. God IS faithful. He's allowing you the opportunity to grow in/through your marriage. Please make sure that you and Wes continue to see the same counselor--not seperate ones! Have you prayed about who God WANTS you to see for counseling? I know of a team who are absolutely unmatched when it comes to untwisting the lies of the enemy--and he DOES lie to us about our spouses. I'm praying for you!
ReplyDelete