Arizona

I recently read through my older posts. I had to take a step back when I read the one entitled "Sorrow". I had forgotten really how hurt I had been over my relationship with my mother. Things are a little different now and I thought I should probably update this thing...just in case someone actually reads it! :) My husband, son, and I just spent a week in Arizona with my parents. We actually had a really good time with them. My dad pulled his normal temper tantrums, shocked wes as he has not really experienced them before...but that is normal for my father(he gets angry a lot). But my the real shocker was my mother. We got a long really well. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am not calling her all the time, I am not complaining to her. My therapist brought up, weeks ago, that my mother and I are really close-but since we are very different people it has almost hurt our relationship. My mother and I are much closer now than we have been in years, but more of a healthy relationship. I am not saying things are perfect or that old wounds are healed...it is just different. Better. My mother noticed how stressed I am, she noticed my anxiety...she suggested I get put on medicine. She was concerned that I was going to go off the deep end. And yes, there are times I feel that way as well. I think that my bouts of depression got much worse with the birth of my son. Which sounds awful, but it actually has nothing to do with him. Just the changes in our bodies and the hormones, it is crazy how crazy I feel now that I am a mother! I don't think I really need something for depression really....more something for my anxiety-it is almost crippling at times. When the panic sets in I forget everything I have ever learned in my life. My mind goes completely blank. It was so bad one evening that my mother gave me half of a xanax. I know it is illegal, technically...but my family was really concerned about me. The effect it had me last like two days! I was calm...calmer...I could process things a little easier and didn't freak out at the slightest change to my day. I didn't get angry as quickly. Now, I am not saying this is a magic fix. I need to stay up on my therapy and work through a lot of things...but it might be a helpful tool...a way to help regulate me a little so that I can acutally work on my issues...I will talk with my doctor about it and with my therapist. Anyway, enough about my mind. Wes and I loved Tucson, we are actually considering moving there in the future. Hopefully in the next few years we will be able too....